Aren’t You A Little Short For A Prequel?
No.
I had a conversation with someone that I absolutely love, desire and halfway trust (myself) about Star Wars, fuckboys and everything in between. I often question the reality of things, hopefully leading to some meaningful level of self-discovery or to prove to myself I’m not as full of shit as I think I am. Wrestling with the complex or the mundane is my normal.
What is normal?
There is no normal, Marcus. Duh.
You sure?
Yes. So, let’s begin.
Is Solo: A Star Wars Story a good movie?
Yes.
Is it the weakest of the Disney Star Wars movies?
Yes.
Is it concerning that Solo isn’t good as The Force Awakens, Rogue One, and The Last Jedi?
No.
Are you sure Solo was good?
Yes.
Do other people like it as much as you do?
Not really.
Is it weird?
Kinda.
The movie seemed like a fun time. Spaceship chases, explosions and Daenerys from Game of Thrones. America loves all those things, right?
Yes.
And Woody Harrelson?
Yes.
And his wigs?
Yes.
And sassy androids?
Yes.
And Donald Glover and/or Childish Gambino from Atlanta?
Yes.
Wasn’t the movie like a faux space Western?
Yes.
And a heist flick?
Yes.
And it’s an origin film?
Yes.
So, this Han origin story with this great supporting cast, with sassy androids and America’s favorite black dude, that turned out to be a good movie but is not the hit people expected and that’s NOT concerning?
Yes.
Is it because people’s expectations for the film and Star Wars, in general, may be askew?
Perhaps.
Is this something you’ve noticed before Solo?
Yes.
With Rogue One?
No.
With The Last Jedi?
Yes.
You mean when those Alt-Right fuck faces down voted Last Jedi ratings on Rotten Tomatoes because a hero that’s not a white man would melt their measly brains?
Yes.
And the time that they forced the girl that played Rose to quit Instagram because some Star Wars fans are racist and/or sexist as fuck?
And isn’t there a fanboy panhandling for money to rewrite Last Jedi?
Yes.
White people be trippin’.
Oh, yes.
But those were extremist, my guy. What about the other people that were disappointed in The Last Jedi? Where their expectations wrong?
Yes.
Is it because The Force Awakens was so close to A New Hope that people expected The Last Jedi would be The Empire Strikes Back, The Remix?
Yes.
So, some hardcore fans of the original trilogy can’t accept that The Last Jedi was independent, in a sense? And that’s it’s actually a good thing that Rey isn’t Luke’s daughter?
Yes.
And that Kylo can be a way more menacing but vulnerable and, yet, overall a better character than Darth Vader/Anakin? Man, George Lucas really fucked up his prequels, huh?
Yes and yes.
And Rose and Finn have more depth and are better characters than O.G. trilogy Lando?
Yes.
Isn’t it interesting, though, that Leia became a Jedi without the title of a Jedi and that Luke understood the dangers of said title and wanted to rid himself and everyone else of that burden?
Yes.
Carrie Fisher was remarkable in The Last Jedi, wasn’t she?
Yes.
I miss her. Don’t cry right now, ok?
No.
But let’s go back to Solo, for a second, because you know this movie isn’t perfect. The guy that played Han, did he pull it off?
Yes.
Because he was green, charming and adventurous enough to be young Han but not quite sexy and dangerous enough to be Harrison Ford’s Han?
Yes.
And Donald as Lando perfectly pulled off the “sexy but not-as-smooth-as-I-think-I-am” type?
Yes.
And Woody Harrelson and his wigs are still a better team than the ’96 Chicago Bulls?
Yes.
Hol’ up… THERE’S GOTTA BE A FLAW THAT WE AREN’T DISCUSSING, MAN! WHAT ABOUT QI’RA?? IS SHE THE WEAKEST LINK??
…
MARCUS, DON’T LIE TO YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU LOVE THRONES; IS EMILIA CLARKE THE FLAW??
…Yes.
Is it fair to say that Han and Qi’ra’s relationship was kind of bland?
Yes.
Is it fair, also, to question if Emilia is actually good actress?
Yes.
But, on the other hand, is it fair to question whether the script gave her enough to do and that her and Han’s relationship in the beginning of the movie wasn’t much to build on?
Yes.
But their relationship is the catalyst of the whole movie and starts Han on his path to being a smuggler. That’s a pretty big flaw then, right?
Yes.
But what about the rest of the actresses, Thandie Newton and the voice of L3, the woman that helped create totally bad ass show Killing Eve? Aren’t they gnarly?
Yes.
Aiight, so, boom; let me get this straight. While Han and Qi’ra’s relationship doesn’t play particularly well, even though it’s super important to the film, that still wasn’t enough to take away from how much you enjoyed the film because there were plenty of other things the movie had to offer that was great?
Yes.
And that you’re not afraid of where Disney is taking the Star Wars universe because all of their movies so far have been in the top tier of Star Wars movies, even though Solo isn’t ranked among the highest?
Yes.
And when the sequel drops, because you know there’s always a sequel around the corner, you think it’ll be good?
Yes.
And Han shot first, right?
Yes.
In Solo, wasn’t it cute when Han said, “I’m an outlaw”? He said it like a 3rd grader who just made honor roll for the first time. So adorbz, right?
So adorbz. Look at this face.
Dreamy.
The Marc Rob 
One thought on “Aren’t You A Little Short For A Prequel?”